damn.. is 520am now as i start writing this entry.. n i M WIDE AWAKE! sheesh!!! i hope after this entry i might use dead some brain cells n may go to sleep... sigh.. i lied down on my bed at 340am after watching 2 episodes of hongkong series.. told myself yes try get some slp so tmr can hv full day to do revision.. but toss n turn till 510am n i couldnt stand it.. so wke up n type tis entry... at this tym the sun has rose her... the sky is blue outside... seems like its 7plus in singapore... but its onli 520 here... mke my body clock feel as if its in the morning n i hv like juz woke up from a sleep which i HASNT! tis is bad.. screwed body clock = sleep debt...

n u noe wad i realize tt is causing tis problem of y its onli on thursdays or fridays I can actually not slp till 5am in e morning... I REALIZED juz now aft a long pondering... it is the CHINESE TEA!!! coz everytime on thurs or fri we go to tis dumpling shop 4 dinner.. n the chinese restaurants here in Aust is weird they gif u a flask of chinese tea and is unlimited refill... so everytime i drink alot coz the food is too much so i need to drink it to digest or clear the food in my mouth and so my body being overly sensitive too caffeine coz mi not being able to slp till 5am plus in the morning!!!! n then not juz not being able to sleep, i m high and easily EXCITABLE... i keep on thinking about the future stuffs.. n then i start to have heart that beat faster, my mind that keep on twriling over mani matters, get cold sweat on my feet.. aint these symptoms signs of excessive caffeine in body?! damn i m so screwed.... i noe i cant drink coffee for nuts aft that 1 tym incident.. n now i realize i cant drink too much tea.. damn.... i still feel so awake... yet my mind feels tired already... how shld i explain my current situation....

a ray of light is out from the clouds in the sky.. its a new day? but i have yet to sleep..... damn!!! no more tea man...

WATER PLEASSEEEEEE............................

I feel so emotional right now… Supposed to be studying for the 1st paper of my last exam here in Australia, but looks like I have no mood. Looking around my room, I can’t help to start thinking that end of the year I have to leave, what am I supposed to leave behind, and not bring back with me coz of the heavy load. However, my heart aches when I realized how time flies, and I have to actually leave some of these things behind which have accompanied me through this 9 months here. Though it wasn’t long but it was a totally new experience I got and would ever have. Looking around the room I realized how time had flies. It seems like yesterday I just arrived to this new environment to this room of mine. Yet in just another 1 month plus I have to bid goodbye to a place that had accompanied me throughout this memory of happiness, sadness, weariness, and every single emotion that I can ever have to actually get this degree. All the money spent here and every single thing. This place would be one that I would always remember. My parents were right, whenever I am in a new environment I complained, I whined, I longed for my comfort zone. However, when time past and all things come to an end, I start to feel the ache in my heart that I don’t want to leave this place….

I think the time I appreciated and enjoyed most was in June, when I went back home, and I know I would be coming back here again but at the same time noe I would be going back Singapore again.. That was the best time.. coz at least I still m coming bck here…
I know this would be the last few papers I would be sitting to complete my degree, part of me can’t wait for all these to be over, but another part of me want to slowly appreciate the process the sort of study life, the stressful period before exams, that I may never have a chance to do so here again… I want to appreciate and cherish every single moments that I have now, otherwise I will never get such a chance again..

I like where I m sitted now, typing this entry, looking around me, everything I had in placed was how I planned and organized to suit my liking..

-Its a matter of time I m going home.. & I will miss this place...-

due to some personal reasons.. 2 of my hsemates would be leaving after exams.... n aft nov 17th i would be left all alone at home... should i heave a sigh of happiness or agony? happi coz i can hv a chance of having a whole hse to myself, do anithing tt i like to do, come home as late as i wan, sing as loud as i wan, blast music as much as i wan n everything.. all along i wanted a hse of my own, 2 live in my own hse alone, no restrictions n everything..... BUT.. agony coz tinking of being alone seems scary... whole hse would be so cold n deserted... -sigh- how shld i look at it?

yestd told my parents bout tis.. they were worried 4 mi.. asked mi whether i wana fly bck den fly back here again.. tis option is confirmed out i dun wan to spend their $$... then they ask me y not i move to stay with a frend.. but i veri lazy to pack n unpack my stuffs.. so i showed a brave front n told them not to worry, coz since i've got a job.. tings shld be fine... yeah.. BE POSITIVE! its juz 3 weeks before my family come... i shld enjoy tis 3 weeks... work n spent $$ my goal tis last season of e year... b4 i fly bck to singapore... yes tt shall be it....

okok.. dun wan tink so much le.. 4 days to first paper.. JIA YOU!

juz finish watching "Mo Gui Zai Sheng Bian", last episode so touching tt i cried.. n juz when i cried.. my darling gave me a call on my hse phne, n his first words to me instead of hallo were "I love you my dear".. with the show i watch n such sentence he tell mi made mi so emotional n touched tt i cried....

true enuf watching romance show mkes me go ooh n aahh over it.. but i hv my own love life, n i do love it loads.. my darling is not a boring guy.. he is the best-test guy i eva hv n will hv.. :)

-life is like a show.. we hv our own show... but we still watch shows n luf n cry n feel emotional all bout it-

-n guess wad i got a new Flat Screen Plasma TV at home, my old TV is SPOILT! FINALLY!!-

m i worrying for nothing...? but i m a LITTLE worried... y do i seem to hv no faith suddenly.. do dardar realli c her as a sista... i hope i can hv a little more faith.. a right mindset tt i wont anihow tink.. n i hope my tis gd frend will not sumhow do something silly too...

hope everything is juz NORMAL...

yestd nite i had a scary dream.. was it sumthing 4 mi to reflect or it was juz a dream? but if i can tink tt it could be some reflection 4 mi, shld i go ahead n reflect upon it? i dreamt tt i overheard a conversation between tis gal n dardar.. the gal was telling dardar tt she is e one who understand him most.. understand how dardar feels being with me... telling him tt she noes tt he feels tired bout me being ambitious n high-class n having too high expectations on him... whenall he wans is a simple n a life tt can mke him n his family live juz nice in comfort.. but in the dream he nv told mi bout tis aft e whole conversation, he still acts normally with me n everything..
wad if tis eva happened? n wad if dardar eva feels lidat? -confused-

aniwae... in 1 week time would be the commencement of my first paper... n today.. i hv officially handed up my Thesis... finally all is done.. after binding the thesis the sense of acheivement was so great.. i will want to collect it at the end of the year.. =) hope the results will be good.. *prays*

yestd nite i was tinking.. its so scary too grow old.. start working life n face a totally new obstacle or challenge, heard so much bout work politics n stuffs.. i hate tt.. den i tot if i were to get married im also scared.. i m scared bout marriage, i juz dun wan to get married..get married den gif birth.. gdness i cant imagine the stress i would hv to face in maintaining a family.. the commitments n responsibilities i hv to put in... in someway u look at it, it may be good, nice, fun n interesting... but all the characters i hv to got to be a gd wife n a mother.. *shake head* tt is scary man... m i tinking too much? i juz dun wan to grow old.. i wan all my loved ones to be with me 4eva n eva.. to guide me in my life although i alwaz sae let mi mke my own decisions.. i still luv my daddy n mummy......

sumtymz blog is a scary place... coz u can see all the true tots of a person which u nv tot tt the person may be like... nowadaes i write my blog i hv to think twice bout wad i typed... isnt it an irony? when a blog is ur online diary where u spill tings out.. however.. 4 mi i m sensitive to e surrounding.. i dun wana sae e wrng tings n coz misunderstandings...

aniwae exams r nearing.. i shldnt be online now writing my blog, but shld be doing my thesis... juz now i was worrying bout some stuff... but Jul was rite i can nv control wad pple wana sae or think bout me.. so i wana stop bothering bout such stuffs n do my work n if my mind wans to wander let i wander to my business plan tt i hv in mind.. =)

-darling y u dun wan work with mi on my business plan *pout*-

i juz finish watching the movie - "The Devil Wears Prada" it is a great movie! realli great... Andre the gal juz a normal gal like her the type of job she got into is sumhow who i tink i m n wad i wana work as... i like tt sort of job... pretty clothes n stuff... but juz like the story line goes.. wad she wans is a normal life.. maybe if i eva step into such a job i may end up like getting so sick of the high "classiness" n come out n lead a normal life all over again... tis show gave mi so mani deep tots n emotions... how pretty the clothes are... -sigh- how much so i wished i own them... i dun mind going into such a life.. n tt come out if i eva get sick.. but most imptly.. i wana my darling william all by my side.... n also my parents...


-sumtymz i wonder if i hv so much freedom in the world.. n i was an orphan, wad sort of life would i lead? a successful woman with no strings attached? jeez~-

ok.. some updates now...

juz in another 1 mth my exams will be over.. meaning.. my exams start in like 2 weeks tym? dun bother counting the days coz it will freak mi out.. aniwae tis sem is realli diff from last sem... up till now i feel the burden that exams r cuming but i dun hv the stress n the mood to start study.. n y? coz i hv an 8000 word thesis to write.. which sux.. n nxt week i got a final presentation of my research proj.. nowadaes i juz do my thesis n nuthing else... -sigh- so shacked n tired... tink PMS tt y i juz feel like slping more... faster finish n i tink i will feel beta...

dar not been toking to mi much lately... not even sms.. coz his camp got new grp of pple come in... so he is like taking after the grp n blah blah blah.. den he got mani field camps n stuffs.. so we seldom tok.. but as wad he sae its juz another 2 mths.. n at tis period tt we dun tok i shld concentrate on my studies n not let anithing else distract me.. o well probably.. coz everytym aft i finish toking to him i feel like slping le.. haha!

yest i met tis weird guy.. was telling serene bout it.. n she told mi she met one, one day b4 mi.. but she tinks hers is handsome.. but my i tink tt guy is a bit psycho.. haha!~

i cant wait for NOV 9th to come.. -hopefully tt is the last paper of my life-!