yeah! i found my memory stick.. =) so happi n relieved.. whew...

i went to Healesville Sanctuary today.. most of the pic with mel n jul though.. it was nice but not as GREAT as wad i expected.. yeah...

















mi n the wallaby.. so tame... =)

aniwae.. hols r gona be over.. sigh.. i cant wait 4 everything to be over.. i hv so mani nice shows to watch.. but i cant watch whole day whole nite wad.. haiz... when exams r over i gona chiong shows man! jeez~

kk update again! byee

DAMNed!!! i lost my memory stick!!! i tink its in the lab.. will pple steal my thumbdrive.. if its gone i m gona cry man.. hurhur... pls Lord let mi c the memory stick when i go to sch tmr.. i dun wan it to be gone.....!!!! -sigh-

today i spent 80 bucks!!! sheesh.. i m freaking broke la.. but i like e stuffs i bought.. now i juz wana buy a shoe n a guitar.... den i tink i finish my shopping spree till exams r over haha!!

damn pissed off! so wad if u tink tt is "upgrading" urself... sheesh~ so freaking pissed man... i dun tink tt is upgrading but putting ur life on danger! n also wasting $$ at the same tym.. when will u understand my PAIN.. n all e pple who luv u their "pain"! sumtymz it is not juz the fact tt u control n is answerable to ur life! but u r answerable to me, ur luv ones n most imptly GOd! cmon grow out of this man!

- I WAN A CAR!!!!!!!

sumtymz i feel that oneself is the greatest enemy.. i muz overcome myself.. overcome my laziness, sensitiveness, emotions and every single thing.. i feel that when somethings or situation is place in front of u.. is u urself ur character ur personality that tke the wahatever view of that thing.. diff pple view tings differently.. as wad pple alwaz sae its all in your state of mind.. yeah.. so sometimes tings r juz simple but y do we alwaz hv to mke it so complicated.. juz like wad ALL guys will alwaz tell me.. y do we gals tke tings so complicated.. y do we like to use indirect speech so much n TINK that everyone gets wad we mean.. esp guys who will not get wad u mean...

at tyms i tink darling is too simple.. i ever questioned myself how can i a complicated person be with a simple person, him.. but i derived that 2 extreme opposites attract that is how we can hlp to even out each other... i tink relationship r like magnets.. if u 2 r average in personality not from extreme ends.. 2 can attract as they have no magnetic field at all, so they can be put together.. however if u put 2 pple from the same extreme ends like both are also complicated.. gdness! can u imagine everyday the other is guessing about what the other is tinking.. how complicated that can be n how much misunderstanding can tt arise, tt will be so tiring.. yeah...

my mid-sem brk is here.. n in 1 mths tym is my exam n on NOV 9th will be my last paper of my life if i eva dun study again which is 99% quite likely.. i tink as tym pass i get to see my future clearer, get to see what i wan.. n finally my mum is quite supportive of wad i wana do with my future.. -grinx-

my hse is empty! haha now did i realized.. lolz..

i wana buy a guitar... shld i n can i? darling ask mi go ahead n buy then come bck we can play n learn together.. pearlyn is mi, tony and clarence instructor.. clarence is half my instructor too.. i m afraid i play a while n then i gif up juz like my guzheng.. aft 4 yrs of sec sch life i gif up... maybe i shld go bck to it.. but lessons for guzheng is so damn ex! -sigh-

shrugs.. i dun wan ani how waste $$.. but learning how to play guitar is alwaz wad i tot of... but it seems so hard.. shld i buy.. 89bucks ... for a damn nice chio blue guitar.. perlyn sae its nice good n cheap.. how i wish its pink though lolz... *shrugs*

tony's car broke down... it leaked green "larva" out from the radiator... gdness~

i tink i need to see a doctor when i go bck singapore.. or a psychiatrist when i start working.. isit expensive to see them? i tink i suffer from some mental disorder.. believe it or not.. but the more i read into websites the more i tink i suffer from one of those.. maybe Bipolar disorder... maybe juz simple depression... its been happening for years.. cant tke track of how long ago it started.. but long long ago.. sumtymz i juz tink its me.. but when i read the symptoms of the disorder.. i tink i satisfy all the symptoms.. i get depression every now n then.. so so so bad that i juz keep crying hate myself... hate everybody, juz wana coop myself up in a corner hide awae from the world.. n certainly the tot of suicide alwaz hit me.. but if not bcz of God i wld be gone from tis earth long ago.. i can stay up late sumtymz.. but sumtymz i can slp whole day w/o feeling i've got enuf slp... on the other extreme i can be veri hyper n confident or full of myself.. luv myself n everybody n everything.. its juz 1 click n i m bck to normal... n another click i will be there crying n feeling depressed all over again... i get bad-tempered easily feeling irritated easily.. cant tke ani insults or bad tings bout me.. alwaz get mixed feelings then jumble up all in me.. juz like wad i m feeling now.. u can nv understand.. neither do i till now tt i start to be suspicious of myself.. its been years that this is happening.. n it alwaz affect my relationship with people.. unless i coop myself up n nv c anibody..

i tink i shld let it come to an end.. maybe i do realli need one..

aniwae.. i m disappointed n tired with tis whole "shit"..

SOMETIMES i feel like being a single successful career woman...

I WISH... I HOPE.. a miracle happened... tt the "judgement" the wadeva u call it will not be a BIG impact tt i cant tke it... -sigh-

serene's sis juz held her wedding dinner last nite although they rom last yr if i didnt rmb wrngly.. y is everyone toking bout marriage now? m i at the age where yeah its the right tym pple get married n i will actually be getting "red card" soon? haha! so cool..! ~ i cant wait 4 then.. when i start receiving red cards n attend wedding dinners... it tink 20s r the most happening period of tym? *shrugs* now it mkes mi wonder when will i stop blogging.. i dun tink i will blog till i m old.. loLx.. angie is eager to get married.. cyc also... 1 of my church fren also... ahh..! i wan but not so soon... scarlee i sae so much i can nv get married.. my dear william later dun wan mi le.. coz i keep *erhem* him.. haha!

hmmm.. how i envy rachel... she is going back to singapore tis wed till the 1 week hols r over then will she be back... so gd............... how i wish i was rich enuf to fly here n there wheneva i wld like to.. =( i cant wait 4 my family to be here..!! but at e same tym with the LOAD of assignments i wish i hv more than 24hrs a day.. so i can slp play yet still can finish doing my stuffs...

i tink when u hv made up ur mind.. nothing can change ur tinking animore, i GUESSED... so no point tinking n tinking bout it~

life was gd today... went grocery.. drove the car to buy friend's guitar string.. learn how to play a guitar but cant mke it.. i need pearlyn help! she sae she will teached me.. n she wana play guitar too.. so i will bring her to tony n clarence place one day.. =) tony bought a blue guitar today.. so beautiful! i cant hlp but keep seeing the guitar n imagine there is a pink one.. n they juz keep saying i was silly n nobody will make a pink guitar.. -_- wadeva!! i wana learn how to play.. !!!

then we cooked french toast.. all cnt mke it actually duno where go wrng.. 3 of us hv diff ways of cooking haha! then we watched MONSTER HOUSE together.. the movie i wana watch for a long time.. however, it wasnt up to my expectation.. quite disappointing.. -sigh-.. then aft e movie i came home n called jul.. coz earlier on she called me n sae tt when i reach home den will come find me tok cock.. den i sae ok.. den i called her n we decided to go macdonalds near pinewood to sit n tok cock.. so caught a bus there n walk back from there.. on e road 2 tyms we got a fright.. so dumb... the pple here.. yeah.. seems like a long walk.. but i tink when u start toking with frenz.. it doesnt seem long afterall.. aniwae.. yeah.. i had an interesting and long day today... i wana spent my fri nites n sats lidat.. =)

jul asked mi a quest today.. she asked if i seriously tot of wad i wan in life.. i roughly told her the sort of life i wld wana lead.. she sae in the first place i shldnt be in sci course but in business.. haha.. -sigh- i duno.. let mi finish tis degree n go into the working society earn money n enjoy life with frenz, going travelling when free n sort.. tis is all i can tink bout now..

-contentment-

i hv been tinking bout it for the past few days since the first day u cam back n blog.. i keep tinking is it juz some misunderstanding n i m the one being too sensitive.. but i m lost myself... i asked pple r u toking bout mi n kathy or isit some other pple... i tot if u werent toking bout mi there is not a need for me to pour out all e tings bout u tt were bad, coz i dun wan ani misunderstandings.. i asked whether i shld delete my entry n everything.. but then when i was tinking bout deleting, more entries came up... n it sound realli bad.. it turn my appetite off, make mi wana stay out n not come home.. n i juz feel the more i read the more i tink u r basically toking bout mi.. n saying all the tings bout God to like "threaten" me and make myself hating to admit i m a christian.. on e other hand i didnt understand y do u wana disgrace christianity further in ur blog..
but i seriously dun c tt u r toking bout others.. bcz i seriously tink der r too mani loopholes towards it.. i duno maybe i m wrng n everything, tt all is juz a huge misunderstanding.. but i realized from this the way u tink n everything is so scary.. cursing pple to die early... maybe it wasnt mi n 4 others.. but i m so afraid tt 1 day i seriously offend u n all these words were meant 4 mi.. *shrugs*
i noe i hv attitude at tyms or mani tyms? i duno.. but aniwae.. 4get it.. juz like wad u say be adults.. n like wad my teacher say tt i do not hv to worry as long as i m answerable to God n myself.. like wad happened last semester i tink aft a while all these will fade off.. maybe bcz there r so mani work to do n assignments n everything, it juz change us.. i guess aft exam all will be over n back to normal like how tings were when exams were over last sem, n how we still meet up in singapore n everything.. yeah.. aniwae.. sori if i were to offend u in aniwae.. from now till exams r over, we try not to cross each other path that much in case misunderstanding arise again.. but of coz we still can go out together if u wan with tony n clarence.. yeah.. aniwae, i also wan let tis matter rest.. hopefully.. n yeah..


-let bygones be bygones- rmb all these r all part of growing up... God allow these to happen so that we are mould to be better people..

suddenly i begin to enjoy this semester..

i m afraid tt i may miss all the pple i noe here...

-i like it this way where my life is so COLORFUL- =)

i learnt a lesson..


-aniwaelifehv2goon- :)

i like angie's blog song to MAX.. i m going to d/l it tonite.... =) so nice... but it mkes mi tink alot.. n mke mi so emotional...

so mani tings juz keep coming.. i dun feel tt it is PMS... its something else... something else...

guys r special creatures.. not that they attract gals (opposite attracts) but they hv special listening ears.. simple creatures.. who do not use indirect speech, n therefore r str-forward n simple-minded... i wld rather turn to a guy to share my probs.. they dont give much comfort.. but their presence comfort u.. the way they wana comfort u yet cant do it, comforts u.. the way they c ur prob as not a prob, n luff at u 4 being silly.. all comforts me...

-idunoweanibodyanexplanationilivemylife-

today i had a long great day.. =) went out with jul n pearlyn to boxhill.. they wan go grocery shopping.. but my motive was to juz go out 4 a walk n take a breather.. so tired n sick to stay at home whole day... n sunday to friday is study study study.. so sat is a REST day.. i shall declare it lidat.. so aft tt i came back with kathy's bubble tea went to her house to pass to her n end up toking for an hour plus.. haha~ when gals juz come together we will nv stop toking.. juz like wad the book i been reading sae... even if 2 gals go for a camp n been together for 3days 2 nites.. when they reach home, they will still call each other up n tok for another 2 hours w/o ani prob... but i noe guys cant do tt.. *grinx*

aft tt i went out dinner with clarence n tony to a korean barbecue restaurant where u hv hotplate n u cook ur own meat juz tt it is all in a korean style.. n we also had Korean Ginseng Chicken stew... yummy... i reached home immediately call mama n tell her bout it coz she n korkor alwaz like korean food.. den mama sae she was surprise to hv such food here.. den she sae she eaten b4 le... singapore also hv juz wana find or not... but she sae gd tt u hv a taste of it.. =) den i call daddy n tell him.. den he sae eeee.. coz he dun fancy korean food n he luff... haha... den daddy told mi sae the currency dropping.. o well i sure hope it dropped further... den called darling although i noe hes at a bdae party.. but i tok 4 a while coz he sae he photographer... den i called my gd frend grace.... ahhhh... finally she picked up everytime i call her she nv pick up... wheneva she c a private number she wont pick up coz she scared duno who call her... tt gal... -sigh- aiyah finally let mi catch up with her... mke us feel as if we were so closed together yet in fact we r so far.. the power of telephone!

how i miss u la grace!!!! update me bout everything there.. n herself n stuffs... so mani mani... n get mi so happi now... =) i cant slp le.. gdgd.. do my work.. haha~ i guessed its the type of frenz that u mix with that influence ur future... i duno.. but tt is 4 mi... coz now i m MORE DETERMINED to try to get a sales and marketing job in related sci field... =)

darling received my happy parcel le.. hee~ he so happi yestd... hope u love it darling.. n dun finish all e chocs at 1 go.. i will kill u!! haha....

tmr is Tony's bdae... duno when will i be baking the cake for him.. is it tmr? *shrugs*

i m in the library now.. sum tings pissed mi off tis morning.. -sigh- clarissa BEAR with it... dun FLARE up...

aniwae i believe tt God guides my future... i duno wad i will do n be in future... maybe wadeva i plan comes not the way God has planned for me just like wad darling alwaz sae tt i do not hv to worry bout tmr n my future, coz everything is in His hand, i juz do my best each day and He will be my Guide... n i believe tt if i insist tings on my way the consequences i hv to bear myself... n i may not be a happi gal.. so i shall juz rely on Him, n He will gif mi wad is best for me......


-dun come probe mi bout my future.. im still young n fickle-minded, i CHANGE anytime.. i dun wish to noe bout ur life n ur frenz, neither do u need tell mi bout wad u do..-

today i attended the Honors Session for Physiology and Anatomy and Physiology. I didn't wana go because I was afraid of being lonely and feel awkward or anything.. But I called up wy and she asked me to just go nothing to be paiseh bout.. aniwae I went... I saw so many caucasians i feel so awkward... although i see many lab supervisors around, but still they are like those I sae hallo to only.. Anyway, there was pizza from La Porcheta, they juz asked us to hlp ourselves, there were like maybe 30boxes or more.. whatever it is, it was really alot, and people juz keep streaming in.. Suddenly, i caught sight of this orange jacket.... n ta-dah it was realli Karen... whew.. i hv a companion.. she was with shiu-lai... I m not alone animore =) aft the session n physiology we proceed to anatomy & physiology took the booklet of projs too...

aniwae wadeva it is.. i was talking to karen.. n aft some tot i begin to get confused with whether i m stopping at a degree work, get married, give birth n lead a simple life.. OR should i proceed on to honors or masters? is tis wad i wan.. do i wana waste tt loads of money?! Karen showed mi some master courses n i got so INTERESTED in this Master of Cell Embryology, where I would be involved in learning to do IVF work, learning to do and everything, and its just for 1 year! its not a research Master but a coursework Master.. then did i noe that there is a diff.. aniwae, karen told mi lots of stuffs.... BUT i checked out the price its 36k for 1 year! 10k more than wad i m paying now! goodness sake.. karen den asked mi y dun wan study in singapore... but all along i knew singapore education system SUX big tym... but aniwae no harm checking out!

i checked the post-grad courses in NUS and NTU... aniwae its not surprising tt i cant find ani sci course in NTU... BUT NUS is none ani beta! the post-grad courses offered are so limited! nvm... most of the post-grad courses are for medicine student... n that the Master in Cell Embryology comes under the medicine! nvm bout tt WORST is tt for most or I shld sae ALL the post-grad courses need at least a Bachelor Degree with Honors! it is no wonder tt Singapore is not as rich as Australia... Bcz foreign students rather go Aust than to go SIngapore...! so mani choices n options to choose from in Australia... no wonder there are so many foreign students here! TONS... no wonder pple wana migrate here.. bcz sg is so limited, they onli look aft the SMART ass which are like NERDS! if ur not u juz remain as the unwanted bunch of craps... hlping to boot-lick the smart-ies, n serving them..~ if singapore is in need of brainies to bring up the country's name and to in turn contribute to a higher economy.. pls man open up ur courses! gif pple a chance! maybe i m wrng to sae all these... but juz tinking bout the education in singapore i juz cant hlp to sae it SUX big tym... IF only i have lots of money, and i hv brains, i wont step into NUS or NTU... where u nv get a chance to realli do n learn wad u wan.. everything is so limited.. n tink bout the Bidding system, i tink its so dumb...

-where are the human rights there?

angie i totally agree with u... long distance relationship is sumtyms hard to handle.. esp when 1 is dwn needs the companion of the other....

had a quarrel with william on sunday... coz of his short-temperness.. i noe he is lidat but i DUN LIKE! aniwae.. yestd darling called mi n he sae sori... he told mi sae he was so dwn mani tings juz keep coming to him.. he lost interest in everything he used to like... darling told mi sae tt life w/o mi around is so tiring n lost.. -sigh- wad can i do... i told him i m alwaz here for him n everything.. he sae but he dun wan juz over the phne.. he wan to hug mi physically to mke him noe i m there.. then tis will comfort him... -sigh- but all these i cant do.... n with my busi schedule i nv tot so much of all these tings...

I'm sori i cant be there when i need u... its juz another 3 mths.. n all will be over..

however, i was toking to kathy yestd.. sumthing for sure at the moment, we dun have the urge to go back.. prob we wan to enjoy n cherish our stay here in Aust when we can as STUDENT.. coz even if we come bck here nxt tym is a diff ting.. i guess we hv to cherish our tyms here as a STUDENT, coz there is no more turning back... it could also prob we went bck to singapore during june.. n realize sumhow i still miss here.. i duno wad i miss, but i was half-eager to come back here, n enjoy my freedom n stay here... i guessed i will MISS here alot when i go bck singapore at the end of the year... miss the tyms of every single little ting be it good or bad, sad or happy... its all part of a memory, a diff sort of life that i have...

-tym is flying.. is it wad i wan? -dilemma-

is it juz mi or u? i guessed is both of us... in a relationship its NEVER one-sided fault or problem.. its 2-sided... i be patient... no vulgarities clarissa.. -chill-


-NONSENSE!